Ending the getting-to-know-you phase via SMS or Whatsapp - When and how you better break off contact

German Version
Do you want to break off contact with your new boyfriend or girlfriend already in the getting-to-know-you phase? There are good reasons for withdrawing quickly. Sometimes it's enough to write a message via SMS or Whatsapp and end things. Read on to find out the best way to do this...

How to end the getting-to-know-you phase?

Men and women sign up for a dating site on the Internet to meet a new partner. For many, this seems to be a simple, direct and uncomplicated way to look for a relationship. Especially after a separation or divorce, many of those affected would like to have a boyfriend or girlfriend by their side again, so that they don't have to go through life alone. What women imagine when looking for a partner in online exchanges is outlined in a witty way in the book "Bei Gefallen auch mehr ...". 

Eine Verabredung mit einer passenden und attraktiven Person erfolgt oft relativ rasch nach der ersten Kontaktaufnahme. Meist erkennen Sie bereits beim ersten Date, ob Ihnen der oder die Andere gefällt, ob Sie ihn anziehend finden und diesen Menschen näher kennenlernen wollen. Auch wenn es vielleicht nicht gleich funkt wollen Sie der Sache doch eine Chance geben. Dann verabreden Sie sich ein paar Mal und stellen vielleicht fest, dass es doch nicht das ist, was Sie sich vorgestellt hatten.

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A date with a suitable and attractive person often happens relatively quickly after the first contact. Usually you can already tell on the first date whether you like the other person, whether you find him or her attractive and want to get to know this person better. Even if it may not spark right away you want to give it a chance. Then you arrange a few times and perhaps find that it is not what you had imagined.

When to end contact via SMS or Whatsapp?

Maybe you both communicate with each other via chat, SMS or Whatsapp since you met. It is quite normal to share your thoughts with each other. Formulate your doubts about a permanent relationship in a friendly and loving way. And ask the other how he thinks about your acquaintance. 

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So much honesty can cause offended reactions. Some people break off contact immediately after such a text message and want nothing more to do with you. Maybe you will be treated like air when you meet again. Just as if you had never met. As a reason, you suspect that you communicated your objections to him via text message and not in person. The other person's last message probably expressed how weak that was of you.

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The key question here is whether it's okay to end the getting-to-know-you phase via text message or Whatsapp. Actually, you did not get very close, got to know each other only superficially. Both of you are then not obligated to anything and do not owe the other any accountability for why you end the contact. Is it then really so bad not to tell the other in person and just send a text message? When dating, it must be possible to withdraw in a simple way.

Why do offending and hurtful reactions come?

The break in contact could also come from the other side. That is why it is actually ridiculous to be offended by a Whatsapp message that ends the getting-to-know-you phase. To end a further contact after the first dates in a personal conversation is not absolutely necessary. However, it is never impossible that a rejected person will react disappointed, offended or hurt. This can also happen to you in a personal conversation. Statements like "You could have told me that right from the start, that you are not really interested" are quite normal and understandable.

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Many dating partners just "say goodbye" silently without the other person knowing why they don't hear anything anymore. Your dating partner has an advantage from this point of view if you send him an honest text message. At least he will know why and that you are ending the getting-to-know-you phase with him. For men, a rejection often means that the male ego is scratched. They therefore usually react brusquely or insultingly. No matter whether you tell him in person or via Whatsapp. 

It is always possible that during dating one of the two falls in love with the other unilaterally. And then it is understandable if this person is disappointed and reacts hurt. Your flirting partner probably found the meetings with you very nice and had hoped for more. Perhaps you also found him likable at first.  

However, at the following meetings you then realized that you were not really in love. But the other person was looking forward to seeing you again. She missed you and wanted nothing more than to be near you again. If this is the case, ending the getting-to-know-you phase feels very painful. 

When is a face-to-face meeting appropriate?

Getting a rejection is very dramatic when both dating partners had actually already become very close. Is this the case for you? Then you should rather reconsider whether it is better to end the getting-to-know phase in a personal or even telephone conversation.

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You must make the decision to do this on your own. One help is to ask yourself the following: As a rejected dating partner, what do you expect from the other person? Do you think it's good that he ends the getting-to-know-you phase with you via text message or Whatsapp? Or do you feel it is appropriate from your point of view to break off contact in a personal conversation? It's best to act as you expect the other person to act. 

Conclusion: Ending the getting-to-know-you phase by text message is not a problem if you have only met a few times to "get to know each other" without committing. Then you do not owe each other anything. However, if there was genuine sympathy on both sides and the impression that there could be more to come from the dates, a personal conversation is appropriate. Be honest with yourself and make the right decision. 

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